A little this and that....

I know I have totally SUCKED at the blog. I have just not been making it a priority recently, which makes for very unhappy grandparents. I decided to put away a little time this evening to make my Dad happy. He has been after me to post some recent pictures of Reagan, but he should just visit and see her in person. I promise that I will soon get back on the ball with the blog. We have just had so much going on with life recently and by the time that life settles down at night, the last thing I feel like doing is getting on the computer.

We recently took Reagan into Baltimore for the St. Patrick’s Day parade. It was a great family outing and Reagan was great when we went out to eat, which always makes for happy parents. She loved the fire trucks and police motorcycles, but wasn’t interested in people walking down the street with banners. It was overall a wonderful afternoon. I have posted a few extra pictures from the past month of Reagan. I hope that you enjoy and will check back soon to see more recent updates.



My blue eyed girl.



A little St. Patrick's Day Parade.

Reagan and her Daddy.



If you ask Reagan to keep her eyes open and smile this is the face you get.

My baking assistant!



I swear I didn't pose her.

NOT PREGNANT

Its official I didn't get pregnant. I got those few unwanted words when trying to get pregnant, "NOT PREGNANT." How is it that you spend so long trying to not get pregnant, but when you want to it just doesn't work. I'm trying not to be upset, but I'm straight up pissed. We did everything right, and even with medical help it still didn't happen. There is a part of me that feels like God is punishing me for something I must have done wrong. I know that this isn’t the case, but it still feels that way. I’m a horrible looser and I feel like I lost. I feel like my body has deceived me and is crapping out. It’s now time to pick up the pieces and move on. I’m waiting to see what my doctor has in store. There is a part of me that thinks he is going to try and push IUI, which if that is the case then I guess we officially lost the race, and are throwing in the towel. I’m letting myself be upset now because when Reagan wakes up I’m going to make this a wonderful day with her and I’m going to enjoy it to the fullest. I’m not going to let this bump in the road destroy my whole day. Well, my miracle baby is awake. Thanks for letting me vent.

A Day Out

Jake and I decided that it would be nice to take a Saturday off from doing work around the house. The house seems to consume any extra time, and money that we seem to have. I guess this is what the American Dream is all about. We decided to take Reagan into DC for the afternoon. Can you believe that we have officially been back in the states for 6 months already? I know I can hardly believe it myself. I hope that you enjoy our pictures from our outing.


Reagan is very excited at breakfast that we're taking her out for the day! After a week of the flu in our home were ready to finally get out of the house. Not to worry were puke, and sick free.


On the train into downtown. I still want to call it the tube after living in England for the past few years, but everyone seems to call it the train here. I guess if we lived in New York it would be the subway, but not in DC. Reagan loved the train ride into town, but on our way home was another story.


At the Smithsonian Natural History Museum, Reagan loved the giant elephant. The rest of the museum she likes some of it, but about at much as a 19 month old would.


Just checking out some dinosaurs.




And this is when things started to turn ugly. Reagan has reached the age that she doesn't nap on the go, but is still too young to go without a nap. Let's just say that the ride home was not a very pleasurable experience for either parent, or those on the train. It still was an amazing day.

The Journey

Reagan telling me to move. I have a feeling I'm in trouble when she is a teenager.



Jake said to me today, "Wow this week has flown by." He says this because he hasn't been driving as much has I have. This week has been crazy because I have been to the RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) every day except Tuesday this week. So, I have seen the doctor a total of 3 times this week and I'm pretty sure that I have met every doctor in the practice now. I was lucky enough to have Reagan go along with me because Jake couldn't come. He is in a class and unable to miss any time. I'll give you a little insight on EVERYTHING I have been dealing with.

On Monday I woke up at 5am so that Reagan and I could be out the door by 6:30 for our nice hour long drive to the doctors. When we arrived there was a full room of ladies and a few men. I always get knocked back to reality when I walk into the office with Reagan. I see the look on everyone's face in the room when they see her. It has a way of bringing me back down to feeling lucky. I might have my pity party from time to time, but when I see the looks on these people's faces I feel blessed. I have a kid and they may not. This isn't going to make me stop trying for another, but at least gets me off my pity pot.

We waited for almost an hour and a half before we finally got to see the doctor. Reagan and I got in the room and the nurse told me to undress from the waste down. I pretty much dread having these ultrasounds. If you have ever had the internal ultrasound, you completely can relate. There is nothing that is comfortable with, having something shoved up you to look around. Are you ready to laugh??? Well, while waiting for the doctor to come in I got undressed, sat on the table and then placed Reagan on my lap. Reagan all of a sudden realized how easy that the paper lap sheet rips. She started to shred the paper in no time. I was pretty much left with a dinner napkin after she was done. I decided to jump up really fast and grab a new one before the doctor came in, or at least that is what I thought. I tossed the paper pieces in the trash and was reaching for a new paper sheet when the doctor opened the door. I was standing stark ass naked from the waist down. I probably looked like a deer in headlights. The best part is that this wasn't my normal doctor, but a doctor that was probably my age. He looked about as embarrassed as I did. He instantly started to turn red and closed the door as if in reverse. The rest of the appointment I think we both had a hard time making eye contact, but he did his job. I hide my embarrassment and moved on with the appointment. He wasn't impressed with how mature my eggs had gotten. He actually said to me, "This might not be your month." He also said he had a hard time seeing my uterus. I said, "Well I know I have one. As you can see I have had a baby." He then told me that I needed to come back on Wednesday for another ultrasound. As we talked briefly Reagan started to rip the new sheet apart. The nurse was even trying to help me cover up at this point. By the time the doctor was done talking to me I was sitting on the table in a loincloth. He gave me my prescription for progesterone, which was such a headache to find a pharmacy that carries it because it's a compounded medication that actually has to be made. So, the crappy part is that none of the insurance company pharmacies cover it.

I found a pharmacy near my house that made the medication, and it was half the price as the one at the fertility clinic. That being said it was still more then I would have liked to spend. I got my progesterone suppositories to stick in the fridge. I'm sure it will be a nice conversation piece if someone runs across it. I now wait till Sunday to start it.


I went back to the doctors again on Wednesday and there were only about a 30 minute wait, which was fantastic. This appointment was another horrible ultrasound, but with a very young nice female doctor. I instantly liked her. She was chatty and talked to you like you were old friends. She was very surprised that I had gotten pregnant on my own with Reagan, but that seems to be the trend with all the doctors these days. What can I say other then I count myself lucky. She did the ultrasound and measured my follicles aka eggs. She said they were growing just a little slower then they normally like. She told me that I had 2 on my right side and one my left side. I instantly wonder if that means I'm going to have multiples. She told me that probably not because only 2 were mature enough, but the chances of multiples in only about 5%, which is only 1% higher then without medication. She then did a postcoital test that checks to make sure that the clomid hadn't killed all my mucus, which kills the swimmers. She had a worried look on her face, but came back that everything looked great! Yippee.... I had asked what happens if the mucus would have been killed off?? She told me that then they recommend IUI (Internal Uterine Insemination). I smiled knowing that this wasn't going to be for me. I want to have another baby, but I'm not going to step down that road. The reason being that it's not covered by insurance at all and second before you know it were doing even more extreme things. I want to try and keep it as simple as possible, but nothing has seemed to be simple at this point. I then had to go get more blood drawn in the lab, and the large black lady was a giant witch. She wanted me to set Reagan on the floor next to me while I got blood drawn. I was sort of shocked because she is only 19 months old. She has sat in my lap before, but I did it and Reagan was fine. It still sort of ticks me off this ladies demeanor and everything. I then waited for my blood work to come back before I found out if I needed to come again the next morning. Then I got the phone call to come back once again the next day. I was dreading getting up so early, but most of all waking Reagan up.

I wanted to try and beat traffic as much as possible so on Thursday we left at 6:00am. I was shocked that the whole drive up Reagan stayed awake, but she looked miserable. We got to the clinic at 7:00am, and I was already in line. I was shocked because they didn't even open till 7:30am. I guess that everyone else had the same bright idea as me. I at least was number 5 on the list. I decided to run downstairs, while I wait for my turn and get my blood drawn. This time I had a different lady to draw my blood. She was terrific, compared to the one from the day before. She talked to Reagan and was fine with her being on my lap. It was a breath of fresh air. Reagan and I ran back upstairs to find out that they had already called my name, but luckily I was still at the top of the list. We went back did the drill of undressing from the waste down. This time I have gotten much smarter and grabbed an additional paper sheet. Just to make sure I'm not exposed thanks to Reagan's ripping habit. This time I got another doctor, but she was delightful also. She was very talkative with Reagan and me. She did the ultrasound and measured my egg(s). She said that I should be ovulating from my right side and my eggs measuring at 19 & 21mm. She said that when you ovulate for some reason on your right side that you have a 30% higher chance of becoming pregnant. She said that I had one on my left that measured at 15mm also. I instantly asked her if that means I'm going to have multiples. She said the chances are not very high, but that is always a possibility. I'm a little freaked out that were going to have multiples. I guess in the end were going to get what God wants us to have. She asked if anyone had talked to me about getting an HcG shot. At this point this is the first I had heard of this. She told me that they were going to give me a prescription for Ovidrel, which is an HcG shot. What this medication does is that it forces my body to have an LH (luteinizing hormone) surge; it's called a trigger shot because it triggers you to ovulate. She said my eggs were ready, but it's a matter of if my body is going to agree or not. She said that they were going to wait and see what my blood work came back as. Well, at 10am I got the phone call from the doctors, with the news that my body had no intentions of ovulating this month. So, she told me that I needed to get the prescription and give myself the shot this afternoon/evening. After Reagan's nap we ran to the only pharmacy that carried the medication, which happen to be the same one as before. Now I just have to cross my fingers that the insurance company actually refunds me for the meds like they say they will. So, after Reagan woke up from her SUPER short nap we ran up to the pharmacy. I paid the $130 for one syringe of medication. YIKES I know. Lets just cross our fingers I only have to do this once. I did get a little worried when I saw possible side effects, "MULTIPLES." I know that it says this on all fertility medication, but it still makes me a little worried. I guess I think the worst like I will get stuck on bed rest and Jake and I will be, "Jake and Candice + 8." I guess if all else fails I we'll and get my own reality show. LOL!! So, we got home from the pharmacy and I read over the directions again. It seemed pretty easy and the nurse told me that it wouldn't hurt. I have to give the shot an inch from my bellybutton. She told me to squeeze a chunk of skin from my stomach, but I don't have a lot of extra belly. I'm just not one of those people that don’t puts on weight in my mid section. When I put on weight it's in my face, tush and thighs. I just couldn't give myself the shot. I'm fine giving other people shots, but something about inflicting pain on me is just not so good. I decided to wait until Jake gets home from work to give me the shot. He did great jabbing me with a needle. He only spilt some of it out getting the bubbles out. I joked with him and said, "Hey that is $40 worth of medicine you just squeezed out!"

Well, now I just have to start giving myself progesterone on Sunday and we’ll wait and see. I was a little skeptical when I work up today (1/27/2012) that when I went pee on my fertility monitor that it would say nope your not going to ovulate, but it didn’t. I guess the medication did what it was suppose to. In the end were just going to wait and see if this is our lucky month or not. I’m not getting my hopes up, but my fingers and toes are crossed.

Thanks for letting me share my experience with whomever reads my blog!

Me right before Jake gave me a shot. Don't tell me I'm super thin because I have actually put on weight. This is just how my body is.


I caught Reagan digging for gold in the backseat. I stopped at a light and I saw her digging for gold. I thought it was pretty fun, but I'm sure she is going to not think so in a few years.

Daisy Garden Bedroom

We finally got some snow, but by the time we woke up in the morning it had turned to ice, but that didn't stop us from going out to enjoy it.

Reagan was running as fast as she could in the cold air. She was pretty upset when I told her we couldn't go to the park. This caused a major meltdown, but I didn't get a picture of that.

This is the before picture of Reagan's room. This is how the room looked when it was up for sale.

Okay, I know you have already seen picture of Reagan's room, but we have pretty much finished in her room. The only thing that we haven't found is a chandelier for her room. This is looking into her room from the hallway.

I know isn't that the cutest bookshelf you have ever seen. The best part is that my grandma got it at a garage sale for $50. It's a Pottery Barn look alike.

I'm sure that my grandma is looking at this and screaming at me through the computer. The reason being that she came up after we moved into our house and helped me paint Reagan's room. Her room had circle decals on the wall that took off a ton of paint and dry wall. In the end I think they put the decals up too soon after they painted the room. These decals I'm sure will be fine.

Behind Reagan's bed. She has a sign with her name and some butterflies.


This weekend Jake and I finished painting the majority of our house. It only took us about a week to paint. I think the hardest was that we couldn’t decide on paint colors. I will post before and after pictures when we finish the rooms. In the meantime you get to see the one room we’re done with, which is Reagan’s room. The theme of her room is Daisy Garden. Her bedding is from Pottery Barn. I got a Pottery Barn rug that goes with her bedding off of Craigslist for a steal. The bookshelf is something that my grandmother picked up from a garage sale, which is a Pottery Barn look alike. The wall decal is from Etsy and the pictures were taken Portrait People in Harrogate England. The butterflies are from Target.

Clomid

Well, it's official I'm done with the first step of my issues. I have decided to change infertility into issues instead. It sounds so much better don't you think? Today I just finished my last of 5 little pills to force my body into ovulation. I get to see the RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) on Monday at 7:30AM. This is when he checks to see if we have an egg(s). That is right who knows I might have more then one. I'm hoping at this fact for just one, but you never know what surprises I might run into.

How am I feeling? Well, I didn't notice any side effects from the medication. I never really notice side effects. I have felt more emotional, but I think that I have finally let myself have a pity party. I have been so strong, with putting on a happy face through this all. I have smiled when talking about it, not being bitter about not getting pregnant, but we all have a lapse every once and a while. I let myself have a moment once Reagan is asleep for her nap, when the house is quiet and I can cry for five minutes in silence, and then I'm done. I let myself cry that again someone has shared their happy news of a new bundle of joy going to be welcoming their family. Just writing this is almost choking me up. It's not that I'm not happy for everyone else, but it's that I want it to be my turn. I think that is the words of any women that has every wanted a baby. I'm not letting this get me down because in the end I'm so happy to have Reagan. There are so many people that are never able to even have one child on their own, and I have already proven able to do this. So, I can't let myself have that big of a pity party. I guess in the end it's all in God's hands. It doesn't mean that I'm not a little freaked out that I'm officially on a time crunch. I can only take this medical cocktail for a short-time. I guess that in the end all that I can do is cross my fingers and pray that maybe it will be my turn. That maybe one of these months I will pee on that pregnancy stick and get that sweet word "PREGNANT."

I'll keep you posted what I find out on Monday. Wish me luck as I have an hour drive, and I'm taking Reagan with me. Let's just hope that we get in fast and that Reagan is as delightful as the last time I took her. What can I say everyone got won over by her last time, but who wouldn't she is about the cutest thing around!

Pre-School

This is Reagan's new funny face. It just makes me laugh how she scrunches her little noise. She might look like a terror, but I promise that it's just the look!


This is just a sweet face. She melts my heart.


If you didn't know blue eyes are more sensitive to the sun. That is what Jake and Reagan tell me.


She gets so excited on our walks watching the bikers. I think it will be no time before she is asking for a bike.

Do you remember when you were severely sleep deprived? When you thought that getting 4 straight hours of sleep would be a good amount of sleep? Those were the days that you thought it was light years away, till your small baby would be in school. Well, this week we officially have entered the light years. I’m sure some of you are scratching your head wondering what I’m talking about, since my kid is not even 19 months old. Well, this week we have been checking out pre-schools. We’re looking into putting Reagan in pre-school, once a week for a few hours in the fall. I know this isn’t for everyone, but we think this would be good for her social skills along with development. It’s important for her to listen to someone other than Mom, or Dad. It’s also important for her to be around kids her own age and learn to share. Along with all the wonderful educational things she will learn away from home. I’m going to miss her terribly, but this will be good for both of us, I think. Plus we have to act on it because registration is this month for all the pre-schools for the fall. I know NUTS.

I think that I actually found the pre-school for Reagan also. We would love to send Reagan to an expensive Montessori pre-school, but we can’t swallow spending $1,500-2,000 a month for 3 hours. Were taking the second runner up, which is a fantastic church pre-school. I was instantly impressed with the fact that it was structured like a school, and not a day care. I have looked at so many pre-schools that are nothing more then a glorified day care. When we walked into the school I was welcomed by the principal, who was so warm and loving. She just glowed with warmth. I was very impressed with the schedule that all the kids age 2-4 get. I got to look into all the class rooms and talk with some of the teachers, and everyone was just lovely. I actually felt like I was in an elementary school, and not a pre-school. Reagan even loved the school and gave it two thumbs up. Now we just have to wait until March to actually find out if we got in.

I hope that you love all the pictures of my big girl!

Infertility.

Reagan and her baby ready for a walk to the park.


Making sure to give the baby some love.


What a big girl.


She is looking for a cat.


A nice stroll in the park.


We have a runner.

When you get married did you ever think that having a baby would be so hard? I never did, I thought you find the man of your dreams, you get married, have a trillion babies and ride off into the sunset. Okay, maybe we wouldn’t have a trillion babies, but at least a few. Having a second baby has been a journey that I never thought I would be involved in, but after already having one amazing child I know that in the end it will be worth at least trying. I always thought that I would be okay with just one kid, but after having Reagan I want more.

I met with my RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) on Tuesday, which is an appointment I had been waiting for since I found out about my issue. It sounds so weird to say that I have “Infertility” issues. Man infertility sounds like I have gotten the scarlet “I.” YUCK. It just doesn’t seem right because I have had a healthy baby. You would think that your body has done it once it should easily be able to do it again. I guess in my case that my body says, “I don’t think so.” I seem to have a hard time getting pregnant and pretty crappy pregnancies, but EASY births. I guess you can’t have it all. Okay enough rambling on. I’m sure your wondering what the doctor had to say. Well, I get to start my crazy drug therapy as I call it. I get to start taking clomid on day 2-7 of my cycle. Then go in for an ultrasound to see if I have produced an egg on day 10 (Jake is scared were going to get sextuplets). Then I get to go back on day 12 to make sure that the clomid isn’t killing the swimmers because as clomid fixes one thing it can break another. Then I go back on day 15 for another ultrasound to check for ovulation. Then I have to take a progesterone suppository for 2 weeks. Finally at the end I get to pee on a pregnancy stick and find out if I’m pregnant. If it says yes then I have to continue the progesterone for 12 weeks so that my body can stay pregnant. If I’m not pregnant I stop the progesterone and start all over. I also can only take clomid for 4 months before it’s onto the next thing, which in our case is all done trying. We figure that we already have one wonderful daughter and were not going to go spend money on IVF. There are so many other ways to be parents.

Well, on a more exciting note the weather today was amazing. Reagan and I went to the park and enjoyed our 62 degree weather. I think that we got 5 days of winter and now spring has arrived on the East coast. She has this new obsession with babies. We had to take a baby along to the park with us. I hope that you enjoy my pictures. I’ll keep you posted on my fertility journey. Keeping my fingers crossed that my body gets scared and gets pregnant on it’s own, but that might just be wishful thinking.

Some Answers

I want to start off by thanking all my readers. This blog would not have been a success without the love and support of you all. Thanks for not only following along these last few years, but giving me reason to keep it going. Thanks for listening to me ramble on about my life.

Well, last week was one of my many visits I have had to the reproductive endocrinologist. I never thought that when this journey started to have a second child it would be so hard. I figured that it would be easier then with Reagan. I’m not spending months crying like before, but I do feel frustrated. I was told that after you have been pregnant once before that it’s suppose to be easier to get pregnant again, but this has proven to be wrong for me. I have felt frustrated that it has felt like I have been dealing with a battle that is going in no direction. When I was trying to get pregnant with Reagan we kept it pretty secretive. We didn’t tell people because we weren’t sure that it would ever happen. This time I’m not being secretive because it helps me a bit to share what is going on with us. A lot of people might not care, but I might be able to help one person that is going through the same thing.

When we lived in England I was told that I have PCOS (Polycystic ovary syndrome) and one ovary. Hey guess what I come back to American and I see my current doctor and he tells me that I don’t have PCOS, or one ovary. I should have known better because this is also the same doctor that kept telling me that things were fine when I was pregnant, but they weren’t. If you didn’t read, I was induced with Reagan because I only had 1oz of amniotic fluid. So, needless to say my doctor in England probably should have his license revoked.

I have been seeing my current doctor, who is extremely nice, but SUPER hard to understand. He has the Spanish accent that is so thick and strong that I feel like I’m taking a Spanish lesson half the time. I do have to say that I’m so lucky that he is very thorough and patient. I have the worst patience, and any doctor having to deal with me isn’t lucky.

Well, after I had the most painful biopsy of my life. Let’s just say that I actually left thinking that giving birth was easier then the pain of my biopsy and afterwards feeling. I then got the results from the biopsy 4 days before Christmas. .It was probably the best Christmas gift I could have asked for this year. I finally know what is wrong with me, and why we’re not getting pregnant. I have a progesterone deficiency. It was very strange to hear my doctor say this because I had already had a TON of blood work, and it came back fine. I guess my progesterone level is so low, that I’m not ovulating at all. I get to see the doctor again on the 3rd to discuss fixing this problem and how were going to induce ovulation. Jake is a little scared that were going to have sextuplets. I guess stay tuned to what I find out on Tuesday! I think that maybe 2012 will bring another addition to the Evans home.

Candy Cane Cupcakes

Perfect Chocolate Cupcakes

2 cups sugar
1 3/4 cups all purpose flour
3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa (best quality available)
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
2 eggs
1 cup whole milk
1/2 cup vegetable oil
2 teaspoons vanilla extract (best quality available)
1 cup boiling water

~ Directions ~
*Line muffin tin with paper liners. Heat oven to 350*F.
*In a large mixing bowl, stir together sugar, flour, cocoa, baking powder, baking soda and salt.
*Add eggs, milk, oil and vanilla. Beat on medium speed for one minute.
*Stir in boiling water (the batter will be thin, don't worry, this is right).
*Fill liners 2/3 full with batter. (I usually put the batter into a large measuring cup with a pour spout, and then pour the batter into the liners.)
*Bake cupcakes for approximately 22-24 minutes.
*Cool completely on wire rack before frosting.

Ganache Filling~

8 oz Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips
2/3 cup heavy cream
2 tablespoons butter, room temperature

Melt the chocolate on your stove. Heat the cream with the melted chocolate and then add butter. Let it simmer for a few minutes. Let the chocolate cool to room temperature. While I was waiting for the chocolate to cool I took a apple corer and cut the center of the cupcakes out. Then you want to poor the chocolate into the middle and let sit for about an hour before icing.


Peppermint Cream Cheese Frosting

1/2 cup (1 stick, 8 Tablespoons) butter, at room temperature
6 oz. cream cheese, at room temperature (about 3/4 of a regular block of cream cheese)
4 cups powdered confectioners sugar
1 teaspoon pure peppermint extract
1/2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
1 to 3 Tablespoons heavy cream, heavy whipping cream (or milk- although I do like the richness that cream adds)

~ Directions ~
*Place butter in a large mixing bowl and blend slightly. Add cream cheese and blend until combined, about 30 seconds.
*Add powdered sugar (a little at a time) and blend on low speed until combined. Increase to medium speed and beat until it begins to get fluffy.
*Add vanilla and peppermint extracts
*Slowly add the heavy cream, a little bit at a time until desired consistency is met. (Don't add too much if you want the frosting to stay in place when piped on cupcakes.)
*Beat until fluffy, about 1 minute.
*Use at once or keep refrigerated. (This frosting will keep well in the refrigerator for several days, but you may need to re-beat it for the best texture.)

To achieve the red stripe in the frosting: Before filling a large piping bag with frosting, add some red gel food coloring to a toothpick, and draw two (vertical) lines with the red dye on the inside of the piping bag. Then carefully fill the piping bag with frosting. Squeeze some frosting into a bowl until you begin to see the red stripe, then frost the cupcakes.

I incorporated this recipe from http://glorioustreats.blogspot.com/